Once there was a boy who was so clumsy he could prick his finger with a boiled macaroni. He managed to swallow a glass of milk, and that means including the glass, and mother had to thump his back for three hours until it came out again. And of course the glass came out last. He was so clumsy his bicycle drove backwards, and when he put on his trousers he always ended up with both legs in one trouser leg. When he picked his nose his finger got stuck and the doctor had to be sent for, and he was the only boy in the whole world who had broken his earlobe playing football.
“Why do you have to be such a klutz?” his father used to grumble.
“Why can’t you be more careful?” his mother used to wail.
And his sister said: “Ah, Robbie is too stupid even to take a crap !”
And although this was a very bad thing to say, there was some truth in it.
Once a mouse made up his mind to make the acquaintance of a giant.
“Are you crazy?” the other mice said. “Giants are gigantic and very dangerous. A giant won’t even eat you, he’ll just breath you in like a gnat.”
“Oh”, said the mouse, “but I so badly want to make the acquaintance of a giant. Maybe I can be of service to him and he will learn not to look down on little animals. Do you remember the story of the lion and the mouse? The lion had been caught in a net and the tiny little mouse gnawed a whole in the net and freed the great big lion!”
“These are old stories”, said the other mice. You just take care!”
But the mouse would not listen and started off on his journey.
A long, long time ago, so long it isn’t really true anymore, there lived a king. And this king had a son who was extraordinarily, unspeakably, unconceivably – stupid! Do you want an example? His tutor – of course he had a tutor all for himself, and this tutor had to tutor the prince whenever he was awake, that means about six hours a day – anyway, his tutor had tought him with great effort and trouble that two plus two equals four.
“Oh, your Royal Highness has made wonderful progress in maths”, said the tutor. “So let us now consider the following little problem: How much equals one plus three?
“Don’t know!” said the prince.
“If Your Highness would please consider: One finger plus three fingers, how much will that be if we count them?”
“Don’t know!” said the prince.
“I implore Your Highness, please: just count the fingers: one plus three equals four!”
“Can’t be!” said the prince.
“And what makes Your Highness think that?”
“Because”, said the prince, “just now you said two plus two equals four!”
Yesterday I went to the Slumpywoods. My god that was shruggly! I still am all brizzerly! The wood was so slumpy and everything there was so sodderly and brumpy and me all alone right in the middle of it! Far away I heard the Gammerock froozing and the Zirrapop was frunching so maulderingly. And all the time little swinks cazoozled about me and made me all flumsy. I wandered on and on and the wood got slumpier and slumpier. Suddenly I saw a garrywonk standing right in front of me. But a right zumpy garrywonk it was, plunking at me with its gaugly stroogs!
Everybody had gone out, just Victoria had stayed home all by herself.
“When they’re all gone the house is full of magic!” said Victoria.
She went to the bedroom of Mummy and Dad and looked under the blanket. A big brown bear looked at her.
“Oh dear!” said Victoria.
“Give me a present!” said Victoria.
So the bear left the room and brought back daddy’s hat. Victoria put it on. Then she tucked the bear in nice and warm. Continue reading
We boarded our spaceship, Nina, Paulina and I.
The earth was a blue spark that went out in the dark, we were going so fast.
Our first planet was named “Dog’s nose”. And it belonged to us. We played “Who’s afraid of the bogeyman” for seventeen years and “Come and find a little brother!” for another three. And all this time we ate canned spaghetti.
We wrapped ourselves in pepper bush leaves and dreamed we grew beaks and feather coats. When the planet had fallen to pieces, we travelled on. Continue reading
Once upon a time I met an old man who was carrying a heavy knapsack and almost broke down under the heavy load. I approached him and politely asked him where he was going with the knapsack and if maybe I could help him. But he friendly thanked me and said: „I am not carrying it anywhere, I always carry it with me.“
„But for heaven’s sake, why are you burdening yourself with a heavy knapsack all the time? This doesn’t make sense!“
„Of course the knapsack makes sense my friend. How else should I carry my six heavy iron plates, twenty-four padlocks, twenty-four keys and six iron chains?“
„You have all this in your knapsack?“ I asked completely taken aback.
„Yes, my young friend, all this I am carrying in my knapsack and this is the meaning of the knapsack and that is why the knapsack makes sense because everything anyone does must make sense!“ Continue reading
Once there was a strange little boy called Peter, who drove everyone crazy asking questions all the time. When he was to go to school, he asked his mummy: “Why do I have to go to school?”
“Well, so you can learn how to read and write and count!”
“Can you do that?”
“Of course I can read and write and count!”
“So why don’t you just show me how to do it?”
“Because that’s not the way it’s done. Reading and writing and counting you have to learn in school!”
“And tying my shoelaces and brushing my teeth and going to the toilet?”
“These are things you learn at home!”
“Come on now, question time is over, now it’s time for bed”, mummy said. Continue reading